Wednesday evening the enemy nearly destroyed my family. The next day I had shared with Chris that maybe we should go back to Praise church. He too had been feeling a tugging to come back. So that day I drove out to the church to get some information, and Michelle had mentioned the Encounter weekend. With such short notice, and not knowing anyone who could watch my daughter, I wasn't sure how it would work. Let me just say that when God wants you some place, He makes it happen, and he did just that! He opened every door that needed to be opened for me to be here this weekend. That night I was sharing with a close friend what had taken place the night before, and as I was sharing, God gave me a crystal clear vision of how I was living my life. I saw myself wrapped in chains, and dragging behind me were 2 big cement blocks. One block had written on it "The mark of judgement", and the other "Worthlessness". Every where I went, this is what I carried behind me. I had no idea what the Encounter was going to be about, and as this time unfolded, it became very clear to me that God had already begun preparing me for what He was going to do in my life. As Debbie began praying over me on Friday night, she said that she felt the Lord saying to me "Let Go". This was so hard for me, because for so many years I had held onto words and events that had taken place in my life. Letting them go would mean I would be vulnerable, and for me that was a frightening place to be. God began removing the layers that had defined who I was up until this very moment. Saturday morning we were asked to meet with Jesus face to face. I said Lord I NEED something to hold onto as these layers begin to come down. I need something to show me this is real, that this you. God began to speak to me and He showed me that unknowingly and knowingly for at least 12 years I had allowed people to speak into my life and over my life, that never should have had that authority. I had allowed those words to define who I was. Words of worthlessness, unimportance, no good, used up, and unrepairable. Hindrances spoken over me that prevented me from having a true free relationship with Jesus. After these people were no longer in my life, I continued to speak those words over me, continuing to feed my spirit the lies of the enemy. Then God said to me "Allow me to speak into your life. Allow me to define who you are in Me"... He then gave me a vision to replace the one I spoke of earlier. I saw myself in a park type setting, and I was running towards Jesus. When I reached Him, I jumped into his arms, and He spun me around, like you would your son or daughter. The significance of this vision ties to something I had said to myself also the night before.. I had said I just want to crawl in the arms of Jesus and cry my heart out, and FEEL my daddy's loving arms around me! I have missed that my ENTIRE life! I never knew my father, and the fathers that were brought into my life, were destructive and abusive. When God gave me that vision, I KNEW without a doubt that He had met me right where I was, and it was safe to let go.
Jeremiah 29:11 has a new meaning in my life. God has washed away everything in me, that had not defined who I AM in Christ. And now I am a clean vessel that He can fill how he intended to from birth. It is my strong desire that every woman experience true freedom, fruitfullness and fullness in Christ. This encounter CHANGED my life!!
